also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
