Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
