Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
