Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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