Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
