Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
