Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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