i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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