Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
