I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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