My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
