I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize