Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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