She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hippo gnu deer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
