Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
