I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
