I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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