Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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