I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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