So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize