Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
