you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
