Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
