Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were trust falling into bushes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
