i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
