look no pants
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
