a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
