A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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