Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
