Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
