I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
