Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
