You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
