just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize