): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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