Are we in a gay sports bar?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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