WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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