two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
