Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
