I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
