Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
