She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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