When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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