I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
