the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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