its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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