he wants to bone in the snuggie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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