I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
