I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
