i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
