i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
