i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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