haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Enjoy the penises
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
