The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
