her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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