did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
