Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
