Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
