Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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