I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
