Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
