So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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