The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
