Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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