My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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