Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
