did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
